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8 months later.... Functioning Chaos

Wow, its been awhile. Its been a crazy 8 months, I can tell you that. Now... let me think of something profound and interesting to share with you.....

Well, not much update on my Craftyness. I still haven't found much time to create all the things on my to-do list. At one point I was frustrated that I couldn't work on those things, but not so much anymore. Yes, there are projects I would love to do, but my time is needed for other things. I would much rather run around in the sprinkler with my kids on my day off. And when they're napping, Im going to nap too. I work hard when I'm at work so when I'm home, I'm going to relax. I put way too much pressure on myself to be the 'artsy-crafty-stay-at-home-mom type. While I would LOVE to be that, I'm not right now. And I'm OK with that. That's one thing I've been working on the last 8 months; focusing living in the "now" instead of the 'I'll be happy when...'.  Right now, I'm a busy full-time mom with a full-time job.

  I am still working at the same job, but things have improved immensely. New manger; everyone on the same page; everyone pulling their own weight. Its much better. Our schedules are still ridiculously insane, but we make it work. Most days I'm not quite sure how it comes together, but it does. If not for my amazing friends and family who pick up my kids on very short notice, it wouldn't work at all. The other day I tried explaining to a friend how our schedule works, and where the kids go when, and how I go about figuring it all out.... She just stared at me in utter confusion. When I think about it too much I get a headache... so I just go with it. The kids may be in 5 different places in 5 days, but they are happy and with people who love them.

I really want to update more often. It's good for me. I've realized a lot about myself in the last 20 min. When I sit down and clear my thoughts, (and not think about day care arrangements) I'm able to see how much I've grown in the last year. Until recently I've had a tremendous amount of guilt about not being home with my kids. Like I said before, I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom. I would love to take care of my kids, my home, and my husband day to day. Id love to be able to cook a nice dinner and eat together as a family more than twice a week. Right now, financially, it is not reasonable for that to happen. In order for us the get there, I need to be where I am now, doing what I'm doing. My kids are healthy, happy and provided for and I will not feel guilty about that.

Well, I think that all for now. This busy momma needs some sleep. Crazyness will continue in the morning.

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