EEK! Its officially been a month since my last blog post. I've fallen off the wagon. With not only blogging, but decluttering as well. I started off so strong. Oh well. Back on the horse. Or wagon. Whatever. I'm bad at analogies.
Here is something that been floating around in my head the last couple weeks. Its crazy to me how sometimes I can have 3 or 4 different little things happen over the course of days, or weeks, and something will cause me to string them all together and form this little, 'Ah ha' moment. For me its usually something God has probably been trying to show me over and over and then it finally clicks. SO I'm going to tell you a few different things that happened and how it all came together.
First: In addition to my chubby little baby who doesn't like to sleep, (no that hasn't changed in the last month) I also have 2 older children, age 5 and 7, who like to ask questions. Particularly while I'm driving. I have typically tried to answer their questions to the best of my ability. Although, lets be honest. When it comes to questions about what type of snake is the fastest or any questions about bugs, my go to answer is, "That is a great question for Daddy." He is our resident animal/survival knowledge extraordinaire. And when it comes to hard questions like, "How will the baby come out of your belly?", I usually go with, "What do you think?" But anyways, I'm off on a spiderweb....Bringing it back... When they ask questions, I try to give answers. So one time they asked what the number signs (speed limits) were on the side of the road. I explained. They asked why a police man was parked behind a car with his lights on. I explained. They asked what the thing on my dash board was with the arrow and the numbers.... I explained. And now I have my self two very educated backseat drivers. Almost every time we're in the car, Belle (the 5 yr old) asks if I'm going the speed limit. Gavin, who sits in full view of my speedometer and is a committed rule follower, announces the speed limit whenever he sees it (lets say its 35) and then makes sure the tell me, "Mom, the arrow went passed the 35, just so you know." And since we typically drive in a 3-5 mile radius around our house and frequent the same 5-10 places, they know the roads pretty well and like to question me if I decide to go home a different way. Augh. All I can say is pay back is coming to them in 8-10 years. That's a scary thought.
Second: About a month ago this came up at our small group meeting: I have always been a pretty self reliant person and becoming a Christian didn't change that at first. I didnt change much, just tried to mold God into what I wanted to do. I finally started handing over the control a little by little.
Third: Last week I was driving around with my backseat drivers and a song I hadn't heard before came on the radio. Its a Toby Mac song called "Backseat Driver". That was the only time I've heard it. I just went to look it up on YouTube to make sure it really was a thing. And it is. Click HERE to see for yourself. Honestly, I wasn't a huge fan of it musically, but the lyrics really made me think.
Forth: The message at church Sunday was about having confidence in God.
Then came the "ah ha" moment. Actually half of it came while I was typing this. Having two back seat drivers with me put things into perspective a bit. When thinking about how I used go about my life, I realized I made God the backseat driver. I was going and doing what I wanted to do and he was just along for the ride, bugging me with his input. When problems would arise, I automatically thought "What can I do. How can I make this better". Then once my plan didn't work, I'd pray about it. Now, I feel like I'm in a place where I've put God in the drivers seat, but I'm the backseat driver. When problems arise I have gotten a lot better at going to God first. but I'm still saying, "Ok, but what about my plan? How about we go this way first? But we've stepped out of my comfort zone. This is a completely different way than we usually go, just so you know." I cant imagine how annoying that is to God. Oh wait.... Yes I can.. I also realized after I began typing this that the message at church ties it all in together even more. Why am I a backseat driver when it comes to God directing my life? Because my confidence in God is lacking. I'm going let him drive, but I'm going to question whole time. My confidence is in my self, and I fail, time after time. If I put my confidence in God, I will still fail, but he won't. If my confidence is in myself, if ...no, not if... WHEN I fail, its earth shattering. I am a failure. If my confidence is in God, it wont matter so much that I fail. Hes leading the way so I can just get back up and pick up where we left off. I am not a failure. I am a child of God who is not perfect. But He is. I want to go out with confidence that God has my back. That He knows the best way to go. That He will take care of me and help me. That I don't have to be perfect. Just thinking that way takes so much pressure off of myself. I feel like I can breath.
Isaiah 41:10
Here is something that been floating around in my head the last couple weeks. Its crazy to me how sometimes I can have 3 or 4 different little things happen over the course of days, or weeks, and something will cause me to string them all together and form this little, 'Ah ha' moment. For me its usually something God has probably been trying to show me over and over and then it finally clicks. SO I'm going to tell you a few different things that happened and how it all came together.
First: In addition to my chubby little baby who doesn't like to sleep, (no that hasn't changed in the last month) I also have 2 older children, age 5 and 7, who like to ask questions. Particularly while I'm driving. I have typically tried to answer their questions to the best of my ability. Although, lets be honest. When it comes to questions about what type of snake is the fastest or any questions about bugs, my go to answer is, "That is a great question for Daddy." He is our resident animal/survival knowledge extraordinaire. And when it comes to hard questions like, "How will the baby come out of your belly?", I usually go with, "What do you think?" But anyways, I'm off on a spiderweb....Bringing it back... When they ask questions, I try to give answers. So one time they asked what the number signs (speed limits) were on the side of the road. I explained. They asked why a police man was parked behind a car with his lights on. I explained. They asked what the thing on my dash board was with the arrow and the numbers.... I explained. And now I have my self two very educated backseat drivers. Almost every time we're in the car, Belle (the 5 yr old) asks if I'm going the speed limit. Gavin, who sits in full view of my speedometer and is a committed rule follower, announces the speed limit whenever he sees it (lets say its 35) and then makes sure the tell me, "Mom, the arrow went passed the 35, just so you know." And since we typically drive in a 3-5 mile radius around our house and frequent the same 5-10 places, they know the roads pretty well and like to question me if I decide to go home a different way. Augh. All I can say is pay back is coming to them in 8-10 years. That's a scary thought.
Second: About a month ago this came up at our small group meeting: I have always been a pretty self reliant person and becoming a Christian didn't change that at first. I didnt change much, just tried to mold God into what I wanted to do. I finally started handing over the control a little by little.
Third: Last week I was driving around with my backseat drivers and a song I hadn't heard before came on the radio. Its a Toby Mac song called "Backseat Driver". That was the only time I've heard it. I just went to look it up on YouTube to make sure it really was a thing. And it is. Click HERE to see for yourself. Honestly, I wasn't a huge fan of it musically, but the lyrics really made me think.
Forth: The message at church Sunday was about having confidence in God.
Then came the "ah ha" moment. Actually half of it came while I was typing this. Having two back seat drivers with me put things into perspective a bit. When thinking about how I used go about my life, I realized I made God the backseat driver. I was going and doing what I wanted to do and he was just along for the ride, bugging me with his input. When problems would arise, I automatically thought "What can I do. How can I make this better". Then once my plan didn't work, I'd pray about it. Now, I feel like I'm in a place where I've put God in the drivers seat, but I'm the backseat driver. When problems arise I have gotten a lot better at going to God first. but I'm still saying, "Ok, but what about my plan? How about we go this way first? But we've stepped out of my comfort zone. This is a completely different way than we usually go, just so you know." I cant imagine how annoying that is to God. Oh wait.... Yes I can.. I also realized after I began typing this that the message at church ties it all in together even more. Why am I a backseat driver when it comes to God directing my life? Because my confidence in God is lacking. I'm going let him drive, but I'm going to question whole time. My confidence is in my self, and I fail, time after time. If I put my confidence in God, I will still fail, but he won't. If my confidence is in myself, if ...no, not if... WHEN I fail, its earth shattering. I am a failure. If my confidence is in God, it wont matter so much that I fail. Hes leading the way so I can just get back up and pick up where we left off. I am not a failure. I am a child of God who is not perfect. But He is. I want to go out with confidence that God has my back. That He knows the best way to go. That He will take care of me and help me. That I don't have to be perfect. Just thinking that way takes so much pressure off of myself. I feel like I can breath.
Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
I'm going to close out with some lyrics from the song. Even though I wouldn't necessarily say it this way, I think it expresses where my heart is.
I don't wanna be no backseat, no backseat driver.
I don't wanna navigate, won't You take it over.
I don't wanna ever doubt You, I'm lost without You, Lord.
I don't wanna be no backseat, no backseat driver.
You got the wheel, take me where You wanna go.
My heart is Your's, no matter where we roll.
I don't wanna navigate, won't You take it over.
I don't wanna ever doubt You, I'm lost without You, Lord.
I don't wanna be no backseat, no backseat driver.
You got the wheel, take me where You wanna go.
My heart is Your's, no matter where we roll.
Comments
Post a Comment