Drop the weights

Have you ever watched a reality TV weight loss competition? There was one in particular that I liked to watch. They always did the same challenge toward the end of every season, after the contestants had lost a significant amount of weight. They would have to compete in a race, but with a twist. At the beginning of the race they would have to pick up different size weights, one for each week that represented the weight they had lost that week. They loaded up, strapping them on until they were back up to their starting weight. It was always interesting to watch. In the short time that it had taken to lose it all, they had forgotten what the extra weight left like. Even though their muscles were stronger, the added weight made it a lot more difficult to run. Throughout the race there were different “checkpoints” were they would drop a weight, one week of weight loss. As they dropped the weights they were able to see an instant change. One they hadn't noticed the first time they lost those pounds.

A few weeks ago this challenge came to mind and I've been mulling it over for awhile. Something about it spoke to me…. But not in a weight loss sense. I feel like I have gone through this season of “losing weight”, which for me was dealing with things that I had buried, hoping it would go away. Things that I didn't realize had taken root in my heart and taken over who God created me to be. They were affecting every aspect of my life.  They were disrupting my relationship with not only God, but my husband, my kids and hindering me from real friendships. I knew it was time to let go and let God deal with it things I had kept hidden. Much like the weight loss competition, it was all about the training. Training my mind to rest on a Godly perspective. Changing my negative thought dialog. Shifting my view to see myself how God sees me and step into new roles. Becoming who He made me. Im at a point where its no longer my normal to hide. Each day I’m becoming more and more ME. My thought dialog is probably 50% changed, as in my first immediate thought. Yet, there are days, weeks even, where I feel the "failure" sign plastered on my forehead. I pick up the weights, strap them back on and feel the weight I carried around for years, not knowing how heavy it was. I go back to this challenge, where I reminded of the burdens I carried. When I feel this, I have to make a choice. I can choose to keep these weights. They can be my burden to carry. Or I can choose to drop them. I choose the second option. God already took them. He freed me from the shame and guilt and negativity. But I have to choose to let them go.

As I was driving the kids to school this morning, the song Redeemed came on the radio. This whole song feels like the lyrics are coming straight from my soul.

Seems like all I can see was the struggle

Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past

Bound up in shackles of all my failures

Wondering how long is this gonna last

Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son

Stop fighting a fight that's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free

So I'll shake off these heavy chains

And wipe away every stain now I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed

I'm redeemed

God already did it. I am Redeemed. But I have to shake of the chains, drop the weights, choose to step into that freedom. This took me so long to grasp. I kept waiting for this lightning bolt moment where suddenly my past wouldn't affect me. My shame would be gone. I would know just how much He loves me and I'd see myself through His loving eyes. But it doesn't work like that. Its moment by moment of choosing freedom. When you feel the weight back on, its making a beeline to the checkpoint and dropping the weight, making a conscious choice to say, “No, I've already dealt with that, I'm not carrying it around again” It's all about the training. The more you do it, the stronger you get and the easier it becomes.