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'Remember that blog you used to have?'

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This blog has been on my mind the last week. I've been feeling like I need to start writing again and this was confirmed when my mother-in-law asked, 'Remember that blog you used to have?' 

So I've tracked it down and logged back in and was rereading some old posts. The end of the most recent post made me laugh and then made me want to cry. I had finished the post with making a goal to update this blog weekly. That was a year and a half ago... I guess I've missed a few weeks! 

So where do I start? At the end of 2013 my amazing husband got a great promotion and I was able to leave my full-time job to be a stay-at-home mom. This is something I have wanted to do since the moment I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Fast forward to 2 kids that were 5 and 3 and that dream finally became a reality. My last few weeks of working I was so excited to finally be able to get into a routine, have a clean house, have family meals every night... Etc. I quickly realized that was not reality. I didn't know how to make that happen. I didn't know how to be a 'stay-at-home mom'. Well now that I have a year under my belt I've discovered I still don't! 

While I have improved in some areas, I still haven't gotten into a routine which effects having a clean house and family mealtime - among other thing.  I frequently feel like I'm still so busy, still living a chaotic life. It shouldn't be that way. I've been considering myself a stay-at-home mom but really I'm a 'run-around-trying-to-do-everything' mom. Anything that comes up I think, 'ooo I'm not working, I could do that.' My oldest is now in school and on days I have no where to go I have absolutely no idea what to do with my spunky energetic 4yr old girl. When I think about taking time to do the things I like to do or taking care of ME, I immediately think, 'I don't have time for that'. Really?? Why?? Why don't I have time? Because with no schedule , no routine, doing different things every day, every week - nothing gets done. If I start a project I end up walking into another room and remember something else I was supposed to do. Then I start working on that until I remember, 'oh yeah, I need to .......' Then there's the always rushing to get out of the house because I'm late for whatever I was supposed to do that day. Then rushing to leave that place because I forgot I said I would also do something else. Ah!!! I'm going crazy just typing this! 

So here's the big question... Why do I live like this? Well, frankly... Because I don't know any other way...  When I first started this blog I was stuck in 'crisis mode'. Now I'm stuck in 'chaotic mode' ... The same mode I was in working full time with both my husband and I having chaotic work schedules and the kids going to different babysitters each day, figuring out who was going to pick them up and when we'd all have a day to spend together. I don't know how to have a routine and a regular schedule. Actually the idea of it makes me anxious. 

While talking with my older and wiser sister, she advised me to take it one thing at a time. I have a picture in my head of what I want, and I'm going to focus on 1 or 2 small aspects at a time. The first is going to bed at a reasonable time so I can be not only functional, but productive in the mornings. (FYI: it's 1:30am... Guess I'll start tomorrow, I mean tonight... You know what I mean...)

To anyone reading this, I challenge you to hold me accountable to this. Ask me how I'm doing and what time I've been going to bed. Also, if I haven't posted in awile, feel free to say, 'hey, remember that blog you used to have?' 

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